I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize