Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize