Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
