She's JV to your varsity
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
