if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
