He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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