Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
