It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
