Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
