omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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