don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
