Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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