I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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