We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
