i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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