I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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