Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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