well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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