the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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