I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize