Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
either way he was missing a nipple.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize