So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
