my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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