Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
