3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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