Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize