Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
