yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
