so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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