AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
