Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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