Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
