my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
