The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
