Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
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