he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Everything about him screamed your future.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
