I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
