Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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