I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
