What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
