No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
