I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
