Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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