you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
