I can tuck mytits in my pants
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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