shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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