is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
