vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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