I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
