1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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