Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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