I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
