Got a toothbrush?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
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