I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
