Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
