Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
