I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
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