Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
