If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I need to align my fucking chakras
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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