Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize