I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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