She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
