Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
