I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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