$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
