I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
