I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
