the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
