those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
